Good morning, my sisters & brothers!
I’m noticing that my tendency to want to control the people and circumstances around me is higher than usual. In the past this would generate in me a lot of anxiety, as I frantically tried to direct the show and all the actors to my specifications. I would likely be irritable and angry with those who did not cooperate. I would expend a lot of stressful energy ‘doing it myself’ because no one else was doing it right.
The tendency is still there, but today I am aware of it, and of the fear underlying it. I’ve lived with a belief that I can be safe if I can control my surroundings. If I admit that 1 – I can’t control my surroundings and 2 – even if I could, safely is not guaranteed, then I am left with fear. If control is not the solution to fear, what is?
I’m looking at Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Right away I am struck by two things:
- It does not say, “Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.” Whether I’m aware of it or not, I am not alone. All those imperfect actors around me are in the same boat, and likely experiencing some of the same fears I am. If I can refrain from trying to control and direct them, I might be able to connect with them in ways that will be mutually beneficial.
- It does not say “could restore us to power.” We are powerless, in more ways than I care to admit. But SANITY – what is sanity, anyway? Here’s my dictionary’s definition: “mentally sound; especially, able to anticipate and appraise the effect of one’s actions.” And I think I would add to that, “and to make choices which benefit self and others based on those appraisals.”
But there I go being the director again! I guess I’ll have to write my own dictionary!
Holding us all in the Light, as we navigate each day with trust in the Higher Power within us all.